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WELCOME TO THE FUCK-YOU-FIFTIES!

STORIES FROM THE FRONTLINES OF SECOND ADULTHOOD – “DEB’S” STORY


We are launching a new feature – Stories from the Frontlines of Second Adulthood. The stories are from FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY and my other books, women I have met through lectures, interviews, friends, and now through this website.

Throughout our lives, we have taken on so many roles. So many imposed expectations. So many responsibilities we weren’t sure we could – or wanted to – handle. So many doubts about performance. Now the scripted lines are giving way to the sound of each woman’s own voice, with the words to tell the truth as she sees it. The defiance and daring that are precipitating so much change bring us closer to who we want to be.

That defiance and daring are the source of everyone’s unanticipated delight: behaving badly. The repertoire of outspoken, outrageous, and downright mischievous behavior that each of us has been building since the first winds of change hit is so liberating that I call that behavior the Fuck-You-Fifties.

As Horizontal Role Models, we are all – adult women of any age – empowering one another. Along the way we are accumulating Life Lessons for growing up, sharing them and celebrating where they are taking us. You will hear from many of them on this site.

Here is “Deb’s” story (from FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY). I am sure you recognize her sate of mind:

“I remember my mom saying to me on her forty-fifth birthday, “It gets better as you get older.” Yeah, right! I thought she was nuts. I was a smug 23 years old. She was just beginning her dance with middle age and she was famous for her mood swings. She used to chase the kids around the house with a fly swatter. I remember feeling sorry for her and thinking she had to say things like that, to make herself feel better, an affirmation of sorts. She certainly could not believe it!
She had a fridge magnet that said “over 40 and felling foxy.” It made me just cringe. C’m on this was my MOM! Well, guess what? My mom’s gone but her magnet has the place of honor on my fridge. And guess what else? I’m over 50 and feeling foxy.

I don’t want to look, feel or be 20, 30, or even 40 ever again! A hard body and fresh face is not worth the struggles those years bring; the self-doubt, the constant comparisons, the need to fin in, to measure up, be as good as. I’ll take this age any day? I’ve found that what I lose on the outside I gain on the inside.

Sure my hormones are raging, but instead of seeing this as a negative experience, I look at it as an opportunity to hear what [my body] is saying and fix what needs to be fixed. I’ve cleaned up my act. I quit drinking and began paying attention to what I put into my body. In fact, I began to respect my body.

I’ve made some significant changes in my life. I stopped putting all my eggs in everyone else’s baskets and began to fill my own. I discovered I have a creative spirit and initiated many projects that have filled my life with joy and prosperity.

Despite all the craziness I feel good. Happy. Sure of myself. Completely the opposite of the scared 13 year old [I was] when I first began to fill up with hormones. Now, on the other side of the river I am self-possessed. I have a strong sense of faith, of who I am. I accept myself, all of it, good and bad. It’s a nice place to be.

Does this story sound familiar?

Where are you on the road to understanding what matters to you?

Share your story here.


5 Comments »

  • Kathryn Boulet said:

    I was given your book, Suzanne, by a friend, and am glad to have discovered you and your website. I am a young 53, recently married for the first time, and not particularly happy with my marriage. I look forward to reading other women’s posts and hopefully finding some insight in how to proceed with my feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration. I don’t want to act too hastily (there are positives in the relationship)….I have a hard time talking about my less attractive emotions with him (including my unhappiness)…I may initiate couple counseling with him to have a mediator in this issue. I definitely feel like jumping ship and returning to my less secure but psychologically freer and happier life (albeit with times of loneliness and feeling down). At this stage in my life, however, I feel more ready to grab life by the horns…I’ve been too much of a wallflower in the past. Waiting for life to find me. I am ready to be adventurous again (I managed to travel, mostly to Latin America a dozen times or so in my 30’s and early forties and loved it.
    We’ve been together for seven years, so it will definitely be an adjustment. Thank you to whomever reads this…I am glad to have this opportunity to reach out and hopefully to be heard.

    # 23 May 2009 at 10:26 am
  • Pat Navadomskis said:

    This is great—- We need to go back to burning our Bra’s—We sure need a raise after nothing but OUTSOURCE OUTPLACE NO RAISE

    and holding back all those F** k YOU to every Mobbing ,lying Gossipping sabatougeing little SHIT ass in Office all over America

    I for one am THROUGH BEING PAID LIKE CRAP TREATED LIKE CRAP

    and we need to bond together not fight each other

    Women need to make MORE MONEY HAVE MORE FLEXIBILITY AND DECENT SUPPOURT for family responsibilities

    Also help fighting those CREDIT CARD companies that RIPPED US OFF

    Paid like crap ripped off No protections in the workforce
    NO RAISE do you know how far behind i am ????????

    # 1 June 2009 at 9:21 am
  • susanjane said:

    Your book arrived today. CANNOT WAIT TO READ IT!!

    I spent this past weekend At Kripalu listeining to Joan Anderson talking about a woman’s “second journey.”

    Arrived home and deep into myself and upon arriving home I was greeted by my husband of 26 years and our 19 year old saying “I am starving..what’s for dinner.” The sink was loaded with dishes so I know they did not starve while I was away. My son is a rising college sophomore (hundreds of miles away) and he just laughed when he saw my facial reaction to my husband’s question.

    We went out to dinner.

    # 8 June 2009 at 1:48 pm
  • Judy Andrews said:

    Inspiring book. I found it by chance while browsing in my local library. It puts to words feelings that I have not been able to find expressed completely in other books, despite my obsession with reading to explore meaning. I have worked so intensely to be at the top of my field, and now it is fascinating to experience the focus of my energies moving in new directions. It is complicated but freeing. I am so happy to have discovered Suzanne Braun Levine.

    # 19 July 2009 at 11:11 am
  • Marketa Belonoha Dildo said:

    now I’ll stay in touch..

    # 22 September 2009 at 3:54 am

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