LOVE, SEX, AND THE NEW INTIMACY QUESTIONNAIRE…Are You in Love? “In Sex”? Other?

LOVE, SEX, AND THE NEW INTIMACY QUESTIONNAIRE…
Are You in Love? “In Sex”? Other?

23 December 2009 1,947 views 3 Comments Tags: Boomer Women, Fifty is the New Fifty, How We Love Now

Because I am trying to chronicle our experiences as we define a new stage of life, I feel free to ask impertinent questions, and I am always rewarded by honest and thoughtful answers. No surprise, really, from women who are discovering the joys of not caring “what other people think anymore.” Much of what they tell me begins with an astonished “I can’t believe that I am telling your this…” or “I can’t believe I am doing this…” but we are surprising ourselves at every turn.

My latest line of inquiry has to do with how we are experiencing love, sex, and intimacy these days. That is the subject of my next book, which I am working on now. I am intrigued by answers like: “I would never have chosen a guy like him twenty years ago!” “I was very happily married, but I would never marry again. I like being on my own.” “Sex used to be irrelevant, now it most certainly isn’t.” And I am touched by others who admit, “I am more content in my thirty-year marriage now than ever before.”

I am asking you to take a look at the questions below and answer any of them that interest you with a few sentences about your life.

If you would consider being interviewed in greater length (by me) please write to me directly at: info@suzannebraunlevine.com.

Thank you for joining this ground-breaking conversation.

Are you in love now?
If so, does it feel different from other times in your life? How?
Is your partner someone you would have picked (or did pick) back then?
Or someone totally different?

If not, would you say you were “in sex”? Meaning enjoying sex even though the relationship couldn’t be called love? If so, is there anything new about the sex?

Have you found out anything new about the way you love now? Are you less/more interested in companionship and doing things together? Are you less/more interested in monogamy? (or are you a “serial monogamist?”)

If you are aware of power differentials or abuses of power in previous relationships, can you describe them and whether things are different in current ones? If you are in a long-standing relationship, has the balance of power shifted over time?

If you are not in love now and wish you were, what is it you miss?

If you are not in love now and like that just fine, what do you like about your situation?

Do you feel what you used to think of as “being in love” for people who aren’t romantic or sexual partners, (friends or grandchildren, for example)?

Your age _____
Your marital status _____
Write to me at info@suzannebraunlevine.com (if you would consider being interviewed).
Find out what your friends and other women are thinking as we continue the dialogue in new posts, comments, information and themes at “The New Intimacy,” www.suzannebraunlevine.com
©Suzanne Braun Levine, 2009.

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3 Comments »

Shirley Rozsa said:

I am not currently in a relationship but am anticipating that to happed by next summer. I don’t know if you believe in psychics, but I recently had a reading from the son of an internationally know psychic and author. He is as accurate as she is. He told me I would be meeting “Mr. Right” by next summer.

I won’t names unless you are interested in hearing more on this.

My last relationship ended a little over two years ago, and I found out recently that it was because of another woman. He didn’t have the decency to break off our relationship in the right way. There is more to that.

I will be writing you about being interested in being interviewed if you think I can be of help with your new book.

I can hardly wait! I loved your first two books!

Thank you.

# 27 September 2009 at 12:50 pm

Eileen Williams said:

This promises to be another ground breaking work and one I look forward to reading. I know in my own case, my primary relationship has changed tremendously over the years. My husband and I are about to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary (in a couple of weeks), and our love has mellowed into deep bond of friendship and shared life experiences. Yes, romance is still there. But the relationship is not rife with the up and down mix of emotions there was in the beginning of our marriage. Rather, there’s trust, safety, love, and mutual support that only the years can bring.

However, I know mine is not the only story. Women everywhere are experiencing new ways of exploring intimacy after fifty. Brava, Suzanne, for continuing your work to hold a mirror up to our generation as we age, and help us identify and seek to understand the changes that growing older bring. Through information and a renewed sense of sisterhood we can truly celebrate this wonderful and rich time in our lives.

# 10 October 2009 at 11:28 am

Ravelle Brickman said:

Shortly before I turned 70, I received a phone call from a man I had dated briefly at college.

It was, as Abbie Trafford says, an aphrodisiac of the most potent sort. A fairly tale come true–Harvard man returns to Smith girl he’d rejected–I plunged into a passionate love affair with a man who was married, but who insisted that his marriage was basically “over.”

Two and a half years later, the passion had eroded. What had seemed a magical relationship had grown tawdry. The final blow came when he mentioned, after a Caribbean vacation with his wife, that he had not called me because “it wasn’t worth the cost.”

My children were vastly relieved, since they had found the whole thing an embarrassment. (MY fault for telling them, but at the beginning I was so besotted that I ran around telling everyone.)

Eight months later, I received a phone call from a man I had known for 40 years. Recently widowed, he had been a neighbor and fellow parent in Greenwich Village. We have been together now for two months.

I don’t know whether it’s love or like, but I enjoy being with him, in bed and out. We are sexually very active, but both crave companionship as much as affection.

An important bond is the fact that we both work–he is 75 and works two days a week, while I, at 73, write free lance and teach–and we both adore our grandchildren.

Power (or “maestrie” as Chaucer put it)has been a problem, but we’re working on it. His late wife was a stay-at-home-housewife, while I have always been very independent.

(I have been married and divorced twice, both times by my own choice, and have been self-employed for years. )

The first time he told me what to do, I was shocked. Since then, we’ve had a few arguments, but we’re learning to accommodate each other. (Laughter helps.)

I have had several long stretches of life without a partner–between marriages and other relationships–and found them very lonely.

As a result, I think I am more tolerant now that I’ve been in the past. Age has also made me more aware of mortality. At 75 and 73, I don’t know how much time we will have, so I’d like to make the most of it.

Suzanne, I would be delighted to be interviewed.

Best regards, Ravelle

# 29 October 2009 at 1:57 pm