Our Sons Are Changing Fatherhood, But Can Men Have It All?
The notion of “Having It All” has been with us since the early days of the women’s movement. It was maddening to us at Ms. magazine to see how the empowering-sounding phrase was used against us by the individuals and institutions that had a vested interest in the status quo. By highlighting the impossibility of having it all professionally and personally, the question distracted from the real issue — that women are entitled to have equal access to it all.
Since then, the phrase has become a synonym for the elusiveness of “family-work balance.” While articles like Anne Marie Slaughter’s 2012 bombshell: “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” set the controversy off for a new generation, the underlying issue hasn’t changed: the system is still rigged against finding that balance–for both women and men. In researching my new e-book Can Men Have It All? I unearthed some fascinating research that may help illuminate the problem and lead to real solutions for American families.
*First of all, according to a Work and Families Institute study men are indeed beginning to suffer from the same kind of unrealistic expectations that women know so well; the study calls it “the new male mystique.” The having-it-all model of masculinity is turning out to be as stressful as the Master of the Universe model was 20 years ago. The study concludes that fathers in duel-earner couples now feel evenmore work-life conflict than mothers. What’s more, a 2013 Pew Research Center poll reported that 46 percent of fathers said they were spending too little time with their kids, compared with 23 percent of mothers.
*Another study — in the June 2013 Journal of Social Issues ”The Flexibility Stigma” found that care-giving fathers were teased and mistreated at work far more often than fathers in a traditional setup or men without children. Men who took time off to be with their children faced worse consequences — in terms of ratings, pay, and promotions — than women who did so… Read More
It is a special delight to be published by a new venture - Shebooks - that is creating a source of short (who has the time?) books that interest women like me. When you are ordering Can Men Have It All? take a look at the whole catalogue at: Shebooks.