My new Column at Feminist.com – Navigating Second Adulthood - will look at the many challenges raised by the question: “What Will I Do with the Rest of My Life?” The answers are different for every woman, but they all reflect new opportunities for self-discovery, intimacy, and activism.

The first column in the Ongoing Series – “We are Each Other’s Role Models” – is an excerpt from How We Love Now: Sex and the New Intimacy in Second Adulthood:

We have gone through so many transformations as we shed the roles we were raised to play, that looking into the uncharted future, we expect that there is still more to discover. About becoming who we want to be. We long for someone to show the way. We look for a connection with our mothers’ experience, but we are unlikely to find the guidance we need there; instead, like her, we look to the women alongside us in a common search for authenticity.

Although there are few role models for us, in the sense of mentors and mothers sharing their wisdom about coping with experiences they have been through, we are establishing a team of guides and protectors. They are us. It has not escaped me that when I call us “we,” I am referring to women who are far enough apart in age— roughly forty- five to seventy five— to be mothers and daughters, technically different generations. But when it comes to finding support, wisdom, and intimacy that will sustain us moving forward, we are a single generation.

Together we struggled to stay afloat in the midst of earth- shattering changes for women in our first adulthood, and we are struggling to assimilate those changes in our Second. I call the women who are meeting the same challenges Horizontal Role Models…

Click here to continue…

“FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY” -
For Immediate Release from Plume Books
We are ALL at the height of our Power!

“Well the first thing I want to say about Fifty is the New Fifty, is that it’s not the whole title. The whole title is 50 is the New Fifty, 60 is the new Sixty and 70 is the New Seventy…and who cares about birthdays anyway. The best thing is that we are all at the height of our power, and we feel that this is the most exciting time.”
-Suzanne Braun Levine

“I was told being mostly a model and an actress that growing old was going to be very difficult for me, so I was bracing myself. Instead I found that with age what continued to grow was a certain lightness, and a certain pleasure and freedom, and it was wonderful to read Fifty is the New Fifty and see that a lot of women feel that.”
- Isabella Rossellini

“I love where I am, it’s so liberating, I love being 50. When there’s a crisis you just kind of breathe right through it. It feels really good.”
- Rep. Donna F. Edwards (D-MD)

“I want to say to everybody at More magazine and to women who are afraid to mention their age or talk about age, and to the celebrities who want to be on the cover, but don’t want to talk about their age: ’You guys are going there whether you like it or not!’”
- Lesley Jane Seymour

“I’m especially grateful to Suzanne for the overall title of Fifty is the New Fifty, because it’s like the Zen message of aging, ‘We are where we are.’ And, I’m also grateful to her for expanding her title – I’m 75. The good news is I can still do what I’ve always done. But, the bad news is I think I’m immortal which then causes me to plan very poorly.”
-Gloria Steinem

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From the moment she took her “first step” backward off a ninety-foot cliff in an Outward Bound Program, to fulfill a personal mission and reconnect with her inner Tomboy at fifty, Suzanne Braun Levine has invented her own second adulthood.  Her declaration: “Fifty is the New Fifty it is not the new Thirty,” on the opening page of FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY: 10 Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood (Now Available in Paperback/ Plume/ April 2010) celebrates the confidence and camaraderie of women fifty, sixty and seventy who are happy where they are and would not want to turn the clock back.

FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY and her previous book Inventing The Rest of Our Lives have defined and inspired a generation of women. “Our bond is common experience and the honesty with which we share it,” says Levine.

As women become the largest sector of the work force and the major breadwinners in many households, their roles are changing and new role models are emerging. Women in Second Adulthood – 37 million strong and growing are becoming each other’s ‘horizontal role models’, taking charge of their life, work and relationships.

What is important about second adulthood, Levine has found is that “the range of things we learn about ourselves – our bodies, our brains, our relationships and our approach to the world -  is as wide as it was when we were adolescents.” It is a stage filled with questioning what’s next, a quest for mastery and authenticity, and wondering ‘Who is this person saying NO’ with confidence and a new bravado. Levine describes this questioning period – the Fertile Void - with exuberance and candor.

FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY: 10 Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood reads like a conversation among women friends – a circle of trust – who are generous, brave, funny, wise, and engaged in claiming their empowerment. Whether, it is rolling with the punches of a crisis (recovering from a divorce or cancer), seeing risks as opportunities, saying ‘No’ (“No, I won’t make cupcakes!”), questioning the meaning of work or putting themselves at the top of their ‘To Do List,’ Levine has captured the details of women’s changing lives. And, she has transformed their lives and her own into life lessons grounded in the experiences of women on the front lines of this new stage.

The ‘lessons’ in the book are a distillation of interviews with individual women, callers to radio shows, and her many lecturer appearances for groups like the Transition Network  and her own circle of trust.  She compares the ‘truths’ of this on-going conversation  with women to those shared by mothers who find themselves on adjoining benches at a playground – tidbits of advice and commiserating about body changes, sleepless nights, and ultimately leading up to a rousing tide of knowing laughter. Recognizing the importance of friendship is part of a recalibration of ‘What Matters Most’ to women in second adulthood. Whether it is dealing with the loss of a friend or sharing the simple companionship of like-minded women which Levine says, “gives us courage, reduces stress, and is the best problem-solving environment there is, and the laughter women generate together is the elixir of life.”

“My hope is this book is like a welcome message in a bottle for women sent to them by a circle of trust, a circle that continues to grow and evolve,” says Levine. “We all have a lot more to share and I will be along on the journey to chronicle our every step.”

About Suzanne Braun Levine
Suzanne Braun Levine is a writer, editor and nationally recognized authority on women and family issues, and media. She’s chronicled and fostered change in women’s lives as the first editor of Ms. magazine and today as a contributing editor of More magazine. She is a lecturer, appears frequently on television, and is an advisor to several women’s and media groups, and organizations dealing with midlife issues. She defined a new stage of life – Women in Second Adulthood – and reports on the ongoing changes in women’s lives in her books and on her website.

Questions for Suzanne Braun Levine

What is the ‘Good News’ about being Fifty, Sixty, Seventy?
Women in Second Adulthood don’t want to be younger. They don’t buy into, “Fifty is the New Thirty!” and are happy where they are!

This is new stage is exhilarating. It is defined by change, the urge to bring new elements into the mix of our lives, to revise our established lifestyle, and most important, we feel empowered and confident that we can cope with whatever comes.

And, this is ‘Good News’ not only for my generation but also for younger women because they now have role models for what is possible after 50!

What is the ‘Bad News’ if there is any? What hasn’t changed enough?
Two things haven’t changed near enough. One is the burden of caregiving that falls upon women of all ages without any support from the society we live in. The other is ageism. It is very hard to convince yourself that you are as happy and fulfilled as you feel when the world around you is blowing you off. We have to make sure that we don’t make things worse by buying into the youth obsession.

Which of the 10 Lessons in the book was the hardest for you? The easiest?
The most difficult – and I think men will never understand how hard it is for women – was Lesson #4 – “No is not a Four-Letter Word.” Saying ‘No’ is extremely difficult for women. But now, I am constantly surprised how little trauma happens when I say No. I always thought the world would come to an end and everybody would hate me.  I realized that most of the time it’s accepted as the natural order of things – you say, no, you say, yes – sometimes they come after you, but the nice thing about being this age is you feel like you can take it.

I don’t know about easiest, but the corollary to Saying No is “Do Unto Yourself as You Have Been Doing Unto Others” Lesson #6. Women are taught to be selfless, but once you start to say ‘No’ you find out what you need and want to do.

How do you gather the life stories that you use throughout the book?
Writing books about my life and women in second adulthood gives me an excuse to butt in to people’s lives. I eavesdrop on conversations; I ask impertinent questions of women I meet; I ask very personal questions of my friends. And I use my network and the Internet to find women with experiences to share.  I am amazed and touched by how forthright, funny, and smart we all are.

How has your life changed since you began writing about women in Second Adulthood?
In figuring out what is going on for our generation of women, I have figured out a lot about the confusion, fear, and expectations that hit me as I entered this new stage of life – the part I call the ‘Fertile Void.’  It has also been exhilarating gaining insight into my life from hundreds of other women, dozens of experts, and some of the smartest writers and researchers.

And, by writing about it I have found my own voice for the first time in my life. I had always been an editor and so at first it was difficult for me put my [own story into my writing], but my editor convinced me. The more I realized that I had things to say, the more I was anxious to say them, and the prouder I was of having said them. Putting my ideas and myself out there was, in fact, the biggest risk.

Are you writing another book on Second Adulthood? What will you be exploring next?

My next book is about – get ready for this – LOVE!  The more I learn about how we are getting to know ourselves and how we are redefining women’s experience, the more I am aware of changes we are making in the way we love, whom we love, and how we define intimacy, devotion, passion, and commitment. I am encountering wonderful stories that I am sure will surprise and delight women – those who have read my other books and those who are beginning to question the changes they are experiencing.

For Interviews, please contact:

Buy the book from PenguinGroup.com

FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY:
Ten Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood
By Suzanne Braun Levine
Author of Inventing the Rest of Our Lives

1. Don’t even dream of “acting your age.” Now is the time for taking salsa dancing – secretly if you must. Or getting up an hour earlier – it’s light then – and writing down your most unformed thoughts. Take risks. Make a fool of yourself.

2. Make one tiny change in your routine, because even the smallest alteration shakes up the whole day – in a good way.

3. Clean house – not the cupboard kind. But get rid of skeletons in the attic that needn’t bother you any more. Of so-called friends that are making you feel guilty, lazy, or inadequate. Of obligations that were onerous all winter but are now moreso because they keep you out of the sunshine. Say No whenever the spirit moves you.

4. Make a new friend. One of the best ways to get to know yourself in new ways is to get to know someone new. There are so many summer-only activities that can bring you in contact with people you don’t know. The old adage that if you follow your own interests you will meet like-minded people applies to library sales, summer classes, motorcycle driving classes, volunteering at a Y kids’ program.

5. Do unto yourself as you have been doing unto others. You know what I mean here. Now is the time to take care of yourself in the ways you know are important, because you have been on the giving end for so long. It’s all about time. Taking time.
Taking time out. Wasting time. Spending time with yourself, on yourself, doing things by yourself.

6. Prepare for the worst. Not by dreading it, but by making sure your files are up to date – your insurance, your will, your finances (such as they are). Pick a rainy Saturday and check out your preparations for a rainy day.

7. Don’t let the body thing hold you back. Go take a jump in the lake, even if it means exposing those white, limp thighs. But also schedule those checkups that are a key to maintaining health.

8. Retool some relationships. It is easier to talk things through, to enjoy each other’s company, to redistribute responsibilities when the pressure is off. Even if the pressure isn’t off, it seems to feel that way in the summer. And with all the changes you are going through, there is surely some tweaking to do in that department.

9. Try some life experiences on for size. If you have spent the last year or so asking yourself “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?” now is the time to test out some of the answers you are considering. If you are thinking of moving, take a visit to one of the prospective cities. If you are thinking of working in the nonprofit world, volunteer a couple of hours at an organization you are interested in. If you are thinking of devoting yourself seriously to your garden or to chess or to karate, devote yourself not-so-seriously for a couple of weeks and see how it feels.

10. Speaking of “not-so-serious,” all of the above is really about not taking yourself so seriously but taking control of your life as best you can. Whatever the fall and winter bring, now is now, and that’s where the opportunities for self-discovery are. Surprise yourself!

We are launching a new feature – Stories from the Frontlines of Second Adulthood. The stories are from FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY and my other books, women I have met through lectures, interviews, friends, and now through this website.

Throughout our lives, we have taken on so many roles. So many imposed expectations. So many responsibilities we weren’t sure we could – or wanted to – handle. So many doubts about performance. Now the scripted lines are giving way to the sound of each woman’s own voice, with the words to tell the truth as she sees it. The defiance and daring that are precipitating so much change bring us closer to who we want to be.

That defiance and daring are the source of everyone’s unanticipated delight: behaving badly. The repertoire of outspoken, outrageous, and downright mischievous behavior that each of us has been building since the first winds of change hit is so liberating that I call that behavior the Fuck-You-Fifties.

As Horizontal Role Models, we are all – adult women of any age – empowering one another. Along the way we are accumulating Life Lessons for growing up, sharing them and celebrating where they are taking us. You will hear from many of them on this site.

Here is “Deb’s” story (from FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY). I am sure you recognize her sate of mind:

“I remember my mom saying to me on her forty-fifth birthday, “It gets better as you get older.” Yeah, right! I thought she was nuts. I was a smug 23 years old. She was just beginning her dance with middle age and she was famous for her mood swings. She used to chase the kids around the house with a fly swatter. I remember feeling sorry for her and thinking she had to say things like that, to make herself feel better, an affirmation of sorts. She certainly could not believe it!
She had a fridge magnet that said “over 40 and felling foxy.” It made me just cringe. C’m on this was my MOM! Well, guess what? My mom’s gone but her magnet has the place of honor on my fridge. And guess what else? I’m over 50 and feeling foxy.

I don’t want to look, feel or be 20, 30, or even 40 ever again! A hard body and fresh face is not worth the struggles those years bring; the self-doubt, the constant comparisons, the need to fin in, to measure up, be as good as. I’ll take this age any day? I’ve found that what I lose on the outside I gain on the inside.

Sure my hormones are raging, but instead of seeing this as a negative experience, I look at it as an opportunity to hear what [my body] is saying and fix what needs to be fixed. I’ve cleaned up my act. I quit drinking and began paying attention to what I put into my body. In fact, I began to respect my body.

I’ve made some significant changes in my life. I stopped putting all my eggs in everyone else’s baskets and began to fill my own. I discovered I have a creative spirit and initiated many projects that have filled my life with joy and prosperity.

Despite all the craziness I feel good. Happy. Sure of myself. Completely the opposite of the scared 13 year old [I was] when I first began to fill up with hormones. Now, on the other side of the river I am self-possessed. I have a strong sense of faith, of who I am. I accept myself, all of it, good and bad. It’s a nice place to be.

Does this story sound familiar?

Where are you on the road to understanding what matters to you?

Share your story here.

With the launch of this website we are celebrating the new home for Women in Second Adulthood along with the publication of my new book: FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY: 10 LIFE LESSONS FOR WOMEN IN SECOND ADULTHOOD. In my books, I have collected anecdotes, insights, and wisdom from women at a new frontier of self-discovery; their stories, along with front-line scientific research and understanding from those professionals who are monitoring our journey, offer practical guidelines for all of us. On this website we can do the same among ourselves.

We are the first generation of women to experience this second chance at growing-up; after decades of living prescribed roles, each of us is finding her own voice and writing her own script. We – more than 37 million of us – are building the personal drive and political clout to make changes in society as we invent the rest of our own lives.

Many of us became aware of this new stage when we confronted a 50th birthday and the question “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?” As we answered that question for ourselves we discovered what is new about 50 – and 60 and 70. That is why 50 is not the new 30. In many important ways it is better than earlier ages – we feel braver, smarter and more confident – and most women I have met do not want to go back to the lives they lived when they were younger.

That is the way it has been for me. Although I had reported on women’s lives throughout most of my first adulthood, as I reached midlife for the first time I needed to understand what was going on in my own life. I was the one wondering if I was crazy and if I was the only one shaking things up. As I talked to other women I was reassured and energized by our shared experience. For example, the realization that we no longer care so much about what other people think about our behavior or ideas. As long as they feel right to us. And the exhilaration of hearing yourself say “NO” loud and clear without the world falling apart.

Since then I have written two books about us. But, the more we live, the more we discover and the more there is to say. Where better to continue the conversation than right here where we can talk directly to each other?

We’ve added some new features to the site, a newsletter and more changes are coming. We hope you find the site a welcoming, comfortable place to call ‘home’, bring friends, tell your stories and add to our collective wisdom and about the discoveries of our generation

Join Us!