One of the fun things authors get to do for the paperback edition of their book is work with the publisher on a Reader’s Guide for Book Clubs. The publication date for “Fifty is the New Fifty: 10 Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood” is March 30th.

In advance of the publication, we’re posting the Plume Edition Reader’s Guide here. Many women have told me the book inspired numerous conversations with their sisters, mothers and friends. I hope the guide leads to even more sharing, laugher and intimacy. And, that you’ll share your thoughts on this site.

INTRODUCTION

“A Circle of Trust is a Must for Women”
Like the “Circle of Trust” Suzanne describes in Fifty is the New Fifty, book clubs give women the opportunity to be together – to read and share stories, to find community and support and laughter (plus scrumptious food and lots of wine!). That is how we help each other invent the rest of our lives.

In her first book, Inventing the Rest of Our Lives, Suzanne identified Second Adulthood as “a new stage of life that women are defining as they live it.” With Fifty is the New Fifty, she expands on earlier themes and captures the exuberance, personal breakthroughs, life changing moments, and stories of friends, family members, and countless women she has met on this journey.
Rich with expert voices, up-to-date scientific research, and Suzanne’s personal insights, this book inspires an important conversation about a life experience women describe as reinvention – and mainstream media often dismisses as “aging” (read “invisible”).

Fifty is the New Fifty: Ten Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood is a distillation of insights, anecdotes and wisdom from women like those in your reading group. Sharing personal anecdotes is the way we empower each other, so review the ten lessons and decide which ones resonate with you. Like each of our lives, every conversation about our lives is different.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Happy (?) Birthday

On the opening page of Fifty is the New Fifty, Suzanne says, “Some people think the reinvention process means, ‘Fifty is the new thirty!’ as if the reward for what is a major shift in outlook is a new lease on youth.” Not so; in fact, she continues, women fifty, sixty and seventy are happy where they are and wouldn’t want to turn the clock back. Have the members of your book club talked about your ages with each other? Have you celebrated milestone birthdays together? What has moving on from fifty been like for each of you?

Have you heard yourself say “I don’t care what other people think any more”?

Most women find themselves liberated by the feistiness that comes with the new territory. Can you remember the first time you spoke up in a situation in which you would have kept quiet before? How did it make you feel? Discuss the way other peoples’ opinions influence our behavior.

Do you want to say “NO!” when they try to seat you and your friends at the back of the restaurant?

Suzanne says that most women have grown up being encouraged to say “yes” (except, of course, to sex). But, by fifty many of us are finding the courage to say, “NO!” It is scary but very exhilarating moment to hear yourself say: “No! I don’t want to do that!” “No! I don’t like you.” Can you think of a situation(s) that made you feel empowered when you said: “No?”

Are you a risk-taker?

Most women in Second Adulthood grew up when girls were expected to play by very restrictive rules. Can you remember occasions when you felt held back? Not taken seriously? Discouraged from trying to do something dangerous or different? How do you feel about taking on a big challenge today?

What effect did the Women’s Movement have on your life?

Sports, professions, language, fashion, life styles have all changed for women in the last forty years. Many of the changes have been controversial. Which have most impacted you? How are the prospects for your daughters (and sons) different from yours at their age?

How do you feel about changes taking place in your body?

For women, our bodies are the front line in the confrontation with the “age is a disease” notion. How we care for our bodies is one of our major responsibilities. But, sometimes when a showdown with our body happens, Suzanne reminds us, the best response is laughter. What are some of the body issues you have resolved? And haven’t resolved? What is the most hilarious revelation about your aging body?

Does your to-do list include you?

How many times have you postponed something as simple as washing your hair or reading a book because family needs come up that push you off your own agenda? Have you made any adjustments to reclaim time for you? Have you begun to think about doing unto yourself as you have for others?

What about your work future?

Work is very important to many women’s lives, and as Suzanne points out, the notion of “retirement” is put on the table just as many women are hitting their stride professionally and many others are reentering the workforce. Plus, the general economy is a major factor. What is your experience in the workplace? What are your expectations for work in the future? Would things look different if you went from being a partner to being alone–or vice versa?
If you are changing, how is your marriage doing? 
As women are recalibrating all of their relationships, a long-term marriage can, for the first time in years perhaps, move to the front burner. The emotional pot is simmering. How has your marriage changed over time? Have you grown closer or further apart? Is there ongoing struggle in your marriage? If so, is it about power and decision-making? Money? Sex? Would you say that your definition of love has changed?

Which Life Lesson in Fifty is the New Fifty is most meaningful to you? Which one do you want to work on?

Like all of you, I have a circle of friends that I try to connect with on a regular basis. For me, it’s often over lunch.  I look forward to those dates with a real hunger – for the intimacy, the chance to chronicle our lives to ourselves and each other, and the sheer delight of gazing at a well-loved face.

If too much time goes by, one or the other of us sends an e-mail titled “re: lunch?” Occasionally we need to schedule an urgent date, and then any other appointments become less urgent. Usually though we catch up, we complain, we laugh – and we recommend books to each other.  It’s no surprise to me that a love of books is bringing women together in large numbers online and in real life where comfort food and wine can result in intimate revelations and real life connections to the book or topic being discussed.

Recently, more than the usual number of very enthusiastic recommendations have come my way, and I want to share them with you. I am adding some of my own discoveries; to my surprise many of them are novels. I wonder what it means to shift my reading from non-fiction to fiction in this stage of my life.

Those of you in book clubs will have your lists to share. I hope you will post them in the comment section on the site so we can be inspired by the books and the insights of your “Circle of Trust.”

BOOKS WE LOVE

From my friend Susie
Her important new book, The Viking in the Wheat Field: A Scientist’s Struggle to Preserve the World’s Harvest, is an intimate and accessible account of a very big issue: http://thevikinginthewheatfield.com/

Summertime by J.M. Coetzee – she calls it “Wonderful. A little clever in structure…but wonderful.”
Out Stealing Horses by Per Pettersen. “I just sent this to my daughter-in-law who has just had a baby boy, as an introduction to what lies ahead.”
The Age of Wonder: How the Romantic Generation Discovered the Beauty of Science by Richard Holmes. Susie gave me this one for Christmas and based on the subtitle, I can’t wait to dig in.

From my friend Maddy

Nothing Was the Same by Kay Redfield Jamison. The story of her long marriage – a love affair that encompassed shared work as well as mental illness. An excellent video: The Big Think Interview with Kay Redfield Jamison

Shakespeare’s Kitchen by Lore Segal. Eleven inter-related short stories by an author we both love.
The Anthologist by Nicholson Baker. “Do you like poetry?” Maddy asked. “I used to,” I reply. “Well, in any case you will love this novel about a poet with writer’s block.” Sounds intriguing to me.

Books from Me

When Will There Be Good News? by Kate Atkinson. The latest of her novel/mystery/delicious character masterpieces.
The Audacity to Win: The Inside Story of Barack Obama’s Historic Victory by David Plouffe. I loved the camaraderie among smart and dedicated personalities who worked as a team.  As an inveterate “West Wing” watcher, I thought this was it in real life.
Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout. I am probably the last on my block to get to this prize-winning multifaceted view of one woman’s life. Let me put it this way: when I wasn’t stopping in awe of the writing, I was laughing out loud.

Books by Friends

Land the Job you Love! Ten Surefire Strategies for Jobseekers Over 50 by Mary Eileen Williams. She is a long-time career counselor and founder of the lively blog and radio show “Feisty Side of Fifty.”  This is good advice – simple, without being simplistic.

I have previously recommended Sugar Time, a novel by Jane Adams and Marrying George Clooney: Confessions from A Midlife Crisis a memoir by Amy Ferris. They are a perfect pair of books for all of us.

Amy’s book is heading for an off-Broadway production: http://marryinggeorgeclooney.com/blog/

Jane, who has a Ph.D. in psychology, has moved on to an important issue for many of us, working on college applications for our kids and looking ahead to the next stage of our lives. She has put together an online course that helps parents and teens get through “Transition Fever.” http://www.launchintocollege.com.

Add the Books You Love…

Ann Higdon

MEET ANN HIGDON
2009 PURPOSE PRIZE WINNER
“The Purpose Prize gathering is revolutionary,” said Ellen Goodman the newspaper columnist and herself, the winner of a Pulitzer Prize. “I am looking at you as my mentors,” she told the audience in her keynote address at the recent Purpose Prize Summit.

I have to agree. It was a room filled with inspiring people and stories.

I met Ann Higdon, winner of a 2009 Purpose Prize ($50,000.) and was impressed by her strength, warmth, and humor. Ann is the fist to admit that in high school she had “a big mouth and a bad attitude.” She will also tell you that one teacher made a difference. She was a D student, but the teacher saw something more and wrote across the top of an essay — “You are profound and eloquent.”

It changed everything, and at age 69, Ann was honored for creating three charter schools, and a program for high school dropouts that has evolved into a successful organization (ISUS) that teaches nursing, construction, computer operations, and manufacturing skills in Dayton, Ohio.

Union and civic leaders call her a ‘magician, but her biggest fans are ISUS graduates. “Progress means staying nimble,” says Higdon. “We’re agile… We change.”

Learn more Ann Higdon and ISUS (Improved Solutions for Urban Systems)
http://bit.ly/7SfH0p

Want an Encore Career?
www.encore.org

Marcy Adelman: 2009 Purpose Prize Winner

BRINGING EXPERIENCE TO SOCIAL INNOVATION CHANGES EVERYTHING

In a culture that often seems to thrive more on “creating” villains than honoring heroes, it is especially rewarding to report on people who are changing the world. THE PURPOSE PRIZE – announced by Encore Careers and Civic Ventures – celebrates and honors people over 60 who are bringing experience to social innovation (read the press release).

I was proud to have been a judge for this Award, and I can tell you the candidates and winners are a diverse, talented and impressive group of people dedicated to change.  Each one of them had asked themselves the familiar Second Adulthood Question: “What shall I do with the rest of my life?”

Each identified a social problem that their First Adulthood had prepared them to solve. Then they took the risk. Their stories are truly inspirational.

Congratulations to all the social entrepreneurs who entered or were nominated for The Purpose Prize in 2009. Civic Ventures awarded $100,000 to five winners, $50,000 to another group five people and recognized the accomplishments of many other
change-makers.

Read about Encore Careers, this year’s winners, their big ideas and watch the videos.  And, for 2010, nominate yourself or someone you know.

http://www.encore.org

http://www.encore.org/prize/nominate?ref=winners.cfm