My Conversation with Sister Marie Pappas on Sirius Satellite Radio

Yes, I still love the radio. But, I had almost forgotten what a pleasure it is to have an extended conversation with an interesting and “interested” interviewer until this recent book promotion tour. I had the opportunity to talk to women and men radio hosts across the country from my home – NO make-up needed! Pajamas optional!

One of the interviews was from a studio on satellite radio. Sister Marie Pappas is on Sirius Satellite Radio along with Martha Stewart, Oprah and many other notable interviewers and personalities. She has interviewed a lot of authors on “Pathways to Learning,” her series on the Catholic Channel including Frank McCourt, Mary Higgins Clark, and recently I went to her studio in New York to talk about “Fifty is the New Fifty.”

“What does the title mean?” Sister Marie Pappas, said to her listeners and to me. And, in her warm and welcoming voice, she said: “Well, you are going to learn about the new “50” along with me. And if you haven’t reached fifty, stay listening because you’ll get there.”

We talked for over an hour at the pace of real life conversation though we were on satellite radio. We talked about life lessons and hormones. Sister Marie Pappas believes in “teaching by sharing” and as women in second adulthood know – the value of intimate, real conversation is priceless!

So, get a cup of coffee or tea!
Click on “Listen and Share”
Enjoy!

We are launching a new feature – Stories from the Frontlines of Second Adulthood. The stories are from FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY and my other books, women I have met through lectures, interviews, friends, and now through this website.

Throughout our lives, we have taken on so many roles. So many imposed expectations. So many responsibilities we weren’t sure we could – or wanted to – handle. So many doubts about performance. Now the scripted lines are giving way to the sound of each woman’s own voice, with the words to tell the truth as she sees it. The defiance and daring that are precipitating so much change bring us closer to who we want to be.

That defiance and daring are the source of everyone’s unanticipated delight: behaving badly. The repertoire of outspoken, outrageous, and downright mischievous behavior that each of us has been building since the first winds of change hit is so liberating that I call that behavior the Fuck-You-Fifties.

As Horizontal Role Models, we are all – adult women of any age – empowering one another. Along the way we are accumulating Life Lessons for growing up, sharing them and celebrating where they are taking us. You will hear from many of them on this site.

Here is “Deb’s” story (from FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY). I am sure you recognize her sate of mind:

“I remember my mom saying to me on her forty-fifth birthday, “It gets better as you get older.” Yeah, right! I thought she was nuts. I was a smug 23 years old. She was just beginning her dance with middle age and she was famous for her mood swings. She used to chase the kids around the house with a fly swatter. I remember feeling sorry for her and thinking she had to say things like that, to make herself feel better, an affirmation of sorts. She certainly could not believe it!
She had a fridge magnet that said “over 40 and felling foxy.” It made me just cringe. C’m on this was my MOM! Well, guess what? My mom’s gone but her magnet has the place of honor on my fridge. And guess what else? I’m over 50 and feeling foxy.

I don’t want to look, feel or be 20, 30, or even 40 ever again! A hard body and fresh face is not worth the struggles those years bring; the self-doubt, the constant comparisons, the need to fin in, to measure up, be as good as. I’ll take this age any day? I’ve found that what I lose on the outside I gain on the inside.

Sure my hormones are raging, but instead of seeing this as a negative experience, I look at it as an opportunity to hear what [my body] is saying and fix what needs to be fixed. I’ve cleaned up my act. I quit drinking and began paying attention to what I put into my body. In fact, I began to respect my body.

I’ve made some significant changes in my life. I stopped putting all my eggs in everyone else’s baskets and began to fill my own. I discovered I have a creative spirit and initiated many projects that have filled my life with joy and prosperity.

Despite all the craziness I feel good. Happy. Sure of myself. Completely the opposite of the scared 13 year old [I was] when I first began to fill up with hormones. Now, on the other side of the river I am self-possessed. I have a strong sense of faith, of who I am. I accept myself, all of it, good and bad. It’s a nice place to be.

Does this story sound familiar?

Where are you on the road to understanding what matters to you?

Share your story here.

When the first copy of my new book FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY arrived from my publisher, my emotions were mixed. On the one hand the book embodies the long-awaited launch of my ideas into the public conversation. On the other hand, it makes me vulnerable to the public’s response. Curiously, though, I feel somewhat less vulnerable this time out than when INVENTING THE REST OF OUR LIVES was published several years ago.

This is due in part to the fact that I was in my fifties when I wrote the first book and I am in my sixties now. While being in your sixties makes you more vulnerable to invisibility in some circles, it also sets you free from caring so desperately about what other people think. (And, my friend Robin always adds, caring more about what you think.) That’s part of it. But the main reason is that in the interim I have figured out a thing or two, and I am less confused about what I call Second Adulthood.

I wrote INVENTING THE REST OF OUR LIVES because I was totally bewildered about what I was feeling and experiencing. I sensed that I was entering a new stage of life, but I wasn’t at all sure I wanted to go there. In the course of many conversations with other women in the same boat, and interviews with people who seemed to have a bit of perspective on what was going on, I began to figure out that Second Adulthood might just be the best stage of all.

Now, after a little more living and many more conversations with women like me who have found real-life solutions to some of the challenges we confront, I see that while this stage of life is unique to each woman, there are patterns too. I think of FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY: 10 LESSONS FOR WOMEN IN SECOND ADULTHOOD as the sum total of the wisdom, insights and anecdotes I have accumulated so far.

We can only learn from each other. Because we cannot look to past generations for guidance and inspiration, we are becoming one another’s Horizontal Role Models: The woman who is giving up stiletto heels simply because they are uncomfortable. The woman who is questioning the nature of her relationships and the meaning of her work. The woman who is ready to try some new and totally out-of-character experiences on for size. They all have helpful – and hilarious – stories to tell.

Now that there are more of us making our way through Second Adulthood and now that more of us have been there long enough to look back on how they got there, we can share our Life Lessons. Whether one of us is coping with a crisis the requires adjusting to a “new normal” or laughing her head off over coffee with her female “circle of trust” or standing up for herself by saying “no” loud and clear, I believe our collective wisdom will inspire her to take charge of her life, get to know her new self – and go for it, in ways that matter to her.

So if I feel a little less vulnerable about saying what I think I know now, and a little less fearful of generating controversy, it is because those women are the strength of my convictions.