Join The New York City Chapter of The Transition Network for an evening with Suzanne Braun Levine sharing her groundbreaking, funny, poignant stories, interviews and research on the many ways women are finding love, and redefining their relationships in Second Adulthood.”

Her new book, How We Love Now, is “the third chapter” in her ongoing conversation with women over 50.

Save the Date! An inspiring evening awaits!

“Reinventing Love in Second Adulthood with Suzanne Braun Levine”

Thursday, February 16, 2012
Time: 5:45 to 8:00 PM
Location: Community Church of New York – 40 East 35th Street (bet. Madison and Park)
Email: rsvp@thetransitionnetwork.org

Register for event:
Members: $20
Non-Members $30
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Our Newsletter:
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The New York City Chapter has members from all 5 boroughs as well as some of the close areas of northern New Jersey and Westchester Country.  TTN NYC is the largest chapter with more than 550 members.

Photo by Eleanor Foa Dienstag

For more information about the NYC Chapter, please contact us at NYCChapter@thetransitionnetwork.org.

The chapter’s vitality is reflected in the opportunities available to members to make new connections, learn, grow and enjoy this stage in our lives. 

Monthly meetings are on the Third Thursday when TTN women gather to socialize, welcome new members, and find out what’s happening in the chapter.  There are also special events and peer groups to join.

THE TRANSITION NETWORK (TTN) is an inclusive community of professional women, 50 and forward whose changing life situations lead them to seek new connections, resources, and opportunities. For additional information, see: www.thetransitionnetwork.org

Thousands of women in their fifties, sixties and seventies are living – and defining a totally new love narrative. Whether they are already experiencing intimacy or joy – and great sex! – or need the inspiration and support to go for it, readers will be energized and motivated by the stories of new ways of loving in How We Love Now: Sex and the New Intimacy in Second Adulthood…

WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE IN LOVE NOW?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS…

The kinds of love we can experience in a lifetime are limited only by imagination and circumstances. Yet for too many women the notion of finding or reinvigorating intimate relationships at midlife seems preposterous; they have bought into the conventional wisdom that menopause is the last stop on the road to loneliness and decline.

They need to hear from the increasing number of other women who are living — and defining — a totally new love narrative. Their stories are fresh and surprising. By the time she reaches the empowering stage of Second Adulthood, a woman’s wants and needs are different, and the women in this book are fulfilling those unfamiliar desires — in both flesh and spirit. Not only are they still lusting and loving as they age, they are enjoying it more than ever…

The first thing they tell me is that they are amazed by how unexpected this new aspect of their lives is. “I can’t believe that I am telling you this…” or “I can’t believe I am doing this…” Some report that are astonished to be finding the Real Thing–at last. Others delight in the rediscovery and reinvention of what has been there all along. There are those who are celebrating a different option – the freedom they are building into their relationships or the simple fun of “no strings attached.” The common thread is the surprise and wonder at the new dimensions to their own capacity for love. That expansion of possibilities extends from new frontiers of sex to profound commitments to people and projects that – although they make not get the dopamine flowing – feel very good indeed. My goal in this book is to map that unexplored territory.

LET ME COUNT THE WAYS – Anecdotes women have shared with me give a glimpse at the range of love stories out there…

“I have fallen in love–with a short, balding, and very shy guy,” a fifty-two-year-old bride tells me with a tinge of disbelief.

“I don’t mind the way I would have in the past that he has only a GED while I have two master’s degrees; he has a Ph.D. in life experience.”

“All the things you worry about when you haven’t dated as long as I hadn’t dated–about sexual intimacy, about being attractive–none of that happened. Your body just kind of takes over.”

“I was happily married for forty years, but when my husband died, I found myself becoming increasingly drawn to other women. I just found the intimacy so easy.”

“You may be shocked, but I have discovered the joys of one-night stands. I need a rest from ‘relating.’ And the sex is great.”

“I’ve come to realize I’m more comfortable as a ‘serial monogamist.’ I enjoy running my own life, on my schedule and when we get together, it’s like a holiday that never ends! It’s time we broke out of the married-or-single mind-set to realize that there are all kinds of relationships in between”.

“Now when I consider the prospect of being in love, I am most intrigued by the possibility that I could actually be who I am…with someone who gets me.”

“Our love has mellowed into a deep bond of friendship and shared life experiences. Yes, romance is still there. But the relationship is not rife with the up-and-down mix of emotions there was in the beginning of our marriage. Rather, there’s trust, safety, love, and mutual support that only the years can bring.”

I also heard stories of commitment, affection, intimacy and trust that expand the definition of love itself.

Copyright © Suzanne Braun Levine, 2011

As psychologist Jane Adams put it:

“Whether you’re single or married, widowed or divorced HOW WE LOVE NOW will remind you of how many opportunities for getting as well as giving love already exist in your life, and how many more await you in Second Adulthood.”

For additional information and interviews, please contact:

Louise Braverman
Associate Director, Viking/Penguin Publicity
PENGUIN GROUP (USA) INC.
375 Hudson St., 4th Floor
NY 10014

Direct: 212/366/2752
Louise.Braverman@us.penguingroup.com

Click Here to Pre-Order
ON SALE DATE: JANUARY 2, 2012

Seeking the Buddha Nature in a Kayak

Gliding parallel the shoreline
Nanoseconds of now
And
Fleeting instances of the present
Come to pass
Along with skeletal shaped shoots
And clusters of seldom cut caryopsis
Advancing and retreating
Teasing the mind and eye
Making common cause
The competition
Between anticipation and now.

Joyce Ellen Weinstein
June 2011

Joyce Ellen Weinstein finds inspiration in the personal and emotional as well as the interaction developed through self, family and community, all of which are parts of making the whole of her unified body of work.

To learn more about Joyce Ellen Weinstein and her work, please visit:

Joyce Ellen Weinstein – fine artist
www.joyceellenweinstein.com

BlueStone Gallery
104 East Ann St…
Milford, PA
www.bluestonegallerymilford.com

One thing about being an older mother is that you are constantly reminded of the truism that age doesn’t really describe the shape of a person’s life. Nor does our place on the family tree, the generation we are assigned to at birth. When my daughter was born I was 44, old enough to be her grandmother. When she went to school, I was old enough to be her teachers’ (and her friends parents’) mother. At the same time my contemporaries had long since forgotten about coping with babies and young children – they were on to the joys of grandchildren. My most meaningful cohort was other women with children my children’s age, but not my age themselves.

In other words, for most of my adult life I have belonged to no generation – or all generations. If anything defined me it was in the trajectory of my life, not where I was in the timeline of my life. Therefore, even though the teachers were half my age, their insights about my child and their expertise about teaching made for a very intimate and respectful relationship. They had acquired an understanding of children in their short lives that I was in need of at that parenting starting point in my long life.

Only now that I am way beyond bonding with other parents of young children and just one more “older woman” have I become aware of the ageism that abounds in our culture and the way our accumulated years divide us. More than once I have been chatting with a young man and catch his eyes floating away over my shoulder. I am rarely asked what I “do” although I am still doing it. And “dear” has become a put-down in my dictionary.

Having experienced the intergenerational community of those years when the age of my child was more meaningful than my own, I don’t want to lose that in my Second Adulthood, the new stage of life that we – older mothers, empty nesters, childless-by-choice friends, women in the process of starting over – are all defining as we live it. We are demonstrating that self-invention is a life long process. That is a starting point for a bond among women of all generations.

But there are obstacles to finding common ground. One is that we are not in the same place at the same time often enough. That’s fairly easy to remedy. The technological barrier is a little harder to work around. Women my age talk of a culture gaps in the workplace; for example, we older workers are used to stepping into a colleague’s office to touch base.

To a younger woman, the face at the door is an intrusion; e-mail is the way to go. Technology also enables young women to meet and share and protest in ways that we have a hard time keeping up with. If we are going to “sit down over a cup of coffee” – virtual or not – we will have to meet (or tweet) them half-way.

I believe that women young enough to be our daughters (but aren’t) want to connect with us as much as we want to connect with them. I experience it personally in the tense alliance between waves of feminism. We Women’s Movement types complain that the younger ones have abandoned the cause; the younger ones resent what they perceive as our assumption that we defined the cause for all time. The mass marches that we associate with activism have been replaced by on-line mobilization and actions that we have been slow to sign on to.

Yet when we do engage each other over the issues, they want to know what it was like for us; they want to test their ideas out and get knowing – but not condescending – feedback. And they want to know how it is for us now.

At first I was surprised when a young woman would come up to me after a bookstore reading with two copies of my first book Inventing the Rest of Our Lives – “one for my mother and one for me,” they would say – but I came to understand that they wanted to read about their own futures. They understand that we are opening up possibilities that they can look forward to taking advantage of when they get there. Together we can be nourished by a community of women, which has no age requirements for entry.

We all know walking is just about the most perfect exercise.

Out the door, one foot in front of the other, 30 to 50 minutes – three or more times per week and you’re on your way to feeling fit.

I joined the Rosedale Walking Group, to be healthier, but more importantly, I wanted to connect with other women. And, I was lucky. I met a small group of feisty and inspiring women – ages from 30s to 70s – at the Rosedale Running/Walking Room in Toronto.

Together, we learned about proper shoes, bras, nutrition, stretches, core work, etc. We all knew some of this stuff, but we learned new things about our own bodies in a different context. We shared health and fitness tips, stories and we learned about each other’s lives.

Our clinics started with short walks, but we quickly progressed to hill training and longer walks.

That’s when everything changed.

We became more deeply committed to the walking, training for races and to each other. The group’s energy propelled us all forward. We entered races in our own city (Toronto), Chicago, Spain and two women from our group traveled to Greece for the 2500th Anniversary of the Olympic Marathon!

How did our group progress from walking 5K to half-marathons and beyond?

The “Secrets” of the Rosedale Walking Group:

1. Stay in the moment – breathe, look around, feel the joy
2. Talk about food, flowers, families, books, movies, the weather – keep it light
3. Avoid politics – for the most part
4. Observe Lucy’s Rule – the longer the walk, the more details needed per story
5. Plan your vacations around walking – see the world in a new way
6. Enter a race – raise money for a cause, reap the admiration of family and friends
7. Keep walking – feel positive about yourself!

As our wonderful coach, Donna Foster-Larocque says: “Stay Active and Anything is Possible.”

I’m not big on change. Most of us aren’t. That becomes a bigger problem the more choices we have and the more restless we feel. Second Adulthood is about choices and restlessness and trying something new, but that means change, and many of us get stuck at the edge of the diving board.

And some of us get a push, which at the time seems like the worst day of our lives. In my work that happened to me twice. The first time the magazine I loved was sold and the new owners wanted to bring in new blood; otherwise I would have stayed on forever – slug that I am – and missed out on the rest of my career. The second time, after several years of tension with the publisher, I was asked “to step down.” Being fired is one of life’s most devastating experiences; how can you go out and sell yourself when you have just been pronounced a failure? In my case I also had to face the fact that I was at the end of the road in terms of magazine editing – there simply weren’t any left that I was right for.

My well-meaning friends peppered me with ideas, most of which had to do with writing. After all, writing and editing are both word jobs. What they didn’t understand was that the way I saw it, editing was about making someone else’s ideas better, and writing was about having your own ideas and putting them out there. I had gotten all the way to my fifties without feeling I had anything to say. Because I felt I had no other choice – because I was pushed – I began to explore what I wanted to tell people. That was – as many people who are dislodged from one kind of work say – the “best thing that could have happened.”

What’s more it couldn’t have happened any earlier. By the time I was fired I was well into the delicious “I don’t care what other people think” stage of reinvention. The reward of that liberating defiance is that you begin to believe “I care more what I think.” A lifetime of listening for what other people thought, felt, needed – listening for other voices – had muted my own. But having to write – having to express my own ideas, with conviction – has, over a decade later, has enabled me to speak up, speak out, and say what I know. Change, however unwelcome at the time, turned out to be a gift.

Somewhere along the way someone called my attention to the W.H. Auden’s poem “Leap before you look”; it has helped me understand the paralyzing power of risk-taking by suggesting that “fear” and “change” can be dealt with separately. The first line is “The sense of danger must not disappear”; that is where the joy of discovery comes from. The concluding line is “Our dream of safety has to disappear.” We learn that lesson every day. As we experience aging, we understand two things: that there is danger ahead and that we need to let go of the notion that if we give our all, we can make safety happen. Which is why the best place to be is in the present. So leap!

Resources:

AARP
http://www.aarp.org

Encore Careers
http://www.encore.org

The Transition Network
www.thetransitionnetwork.org

Catalyst
http://catalyst.org

Center for Women’s Business Research
http://www.nfwbo.org

Count Me In
http://www.count-me-in.org

Retirement or What Next?
http://www.retirementorwhatnext.com

SeniorNet
http://www.seniornet.org

Women@WorkNetwork
http://womenaworknetwork.com

Women Redefining Life after 50…

Smarter, Bolder, Older™ – a one-day event for women 50+ – grew out of my own experience of aging and conversations with other women. I am committed to changing the stereotype of aging and loss in midlife to one of vitality, embracing new opportunities and possibilities as women in midlife and beyond get clear on what matters and makes the most of this stage of their lives.

I wanted to create an environment where women could come together to share, network and experience this time in our lives as unique and exciting. More than seventy women gathered in a welcoming space in April 2011 for a rich dialogue (in Upper Nyack, NY) and together we explored common questions:

• What’s important to you at 50+ and how is it different than in previous years?
• What energizes and inspires you about growing older?
• What challenges you?
• What would you like to experience and create?

We shared stories about aging, honored women who have led inspiring lives into their 70’s and beyond, and participated in guided lyrical movement patterns to explore power, purpose and transformation. An art installation featured images from the upcoming book: “Goddess on Earth, Portraits of the Divine Feminine” (LUSH Press, July 2011) and we had a performance by Moving Mantras.

We donated the registration fee to The Rockland Community Foundation’s programs for Women and Girls. This was an important aspect of creating the event.

The entire day and response to the event was exhilarating:

“Amazing opportunity…I’m feeling more energized and more focused already!”

“Thank you just doesn’t seem enough for the wonder of the day at ‘Smarter, Bolder, Older.’ And – as many testified — ‘get our bearings’ once again for own creativity and our place in the world”

Enid Weishaus, MSW, founder of Smarter, Bolder, Older™. She previously held positions as Regional Director for Senators Clinton and Gillibrand in the Lower Hudson Valley. Enid teaches success strategies and presentation skills to women who want to be entrepreneurs. For more information, please contact: enidweishaus@optonline.net.

Now that the majority of us boomers have blown out the candles on our half-century birthday cake (and many have waved goodbye to our fifties altogether), I like to say we’ve become the generation to transform the spirit and style of aging. Remaining true to our trailblazing history, we’re far from dissolving into the invisible shrinking violets older women are “supposed” to be. No way—our bodacious, revolutionary spirit is showing zero signs of wilting. In fact, thanks to a hearty dose of menopausal zest, it’s going stronger than ever before!

Special Club for Feisty Boomers

There’s one special club that embodies our celebrated joie de vivre and legendary spunk, The Red Hat Society, and this remarkable organization has become the largest women’s social club in the world. Although attendance at this group’s events will have you seeing red, members are encouraged to pursue the five F’s: fun, friendship, freedom, fulfillment, and fitness. (I might suggest a sixth F—for feistiness. That particular descriptor may have been officially omitted, but it’s certainly implied.)

The Red Hat Society is dedicated to reshaping the way women are viewed in today’s culture and, in pursuit of this mission, has created an impressive legacy of achievements. One of the most recent accomplishments this legendary club can boast is inclusion in the premier cultural collection of the land: The Smithsonian Institution! Yes, the original red fedora purchased by founder Sue Ellen Cooper as well as her purple-feather boa are now nattily displayed in all their colorful glory.

Sue Ellen, the Exalted Queen Mother herself, and Debra Granich, CEO of the Red Hat Society, have graciously shared their thoughts on what it means to wear the eye-catching combo of red and purple in a recent interview on Feisty Side of Fifty Radio. Be certain to tune in to this very special broadcast with these two remarkable women.

In fact, you won’t want to miss a single word. With advice such as “gaudy is good” and “give yourself a title and call yourself a queen” you know these women are celebrating the feisty side of fifty. In the oh-so-colorful fashion befitting the boomers’ spirit and style of aging, the Red Hat Society is one fabulous group. And, better yet, there’s not a single invisible shrinking violet in sight!

Mary Eileen Williams - M.A., N.C.C. – is the founder of Feisty Side of Fifty/ Boomer Women – Celebrating Women 50 and Better, with close to twenty years as a career/life transition counselor, workshop facilitator, and writer. Her most recent book: Land the Job You Love! 10 Surefire Strategies for Jobseekers Over 50. www.feistysideoffifty.com

Red Hat Society – For more information – How to join, Find a chapter near you or Start a chapter – please visit: www.redhatsociety.com

Valentine’s Day celebrates loving and being loved. But, for much of our lives, the festivities commemorated a kind of Romance that our own relationships could only approximate – a sticky sweetness that the classic heart-shaped box of candy symbolized. I don’t know about you, but I could never finish one of those chocolates with the syrupy inside. “Romance” as it was understood back then is also more sweet dream than nourishing reality. In Second Adulthood, though, reality is becoming a priority. We find ourselves on a quest for personal authenticity, and in the process, we are rediscovering the many sources of real love in our lives.

The image of Romantic love we grew up with is about as far away from authenticity as you can get. The ideal partners – the Mr. Right and me – were people that we never knew. Many of the euphoric emotions we were supposed to feel were scripted by others who wrote novels and movies and song lyrics. Aspiring to that scenario’s ideals sent many of us off in the wrong direction.

As I interviewed women for my new book on love at midlife I heard over and over again that authenticity means experiencing The Real Thing on each woman’s own terms. Not by any other measure.

We’ve all heard about women our age who meet up with their old boyfriends, and fall in love with them big time when they have a second chance. Why didn’t they make it the first time? One reason is that the second time around a woman is looking for qualities that she may not have appreciated before. A big one is “niceness.”

Twenty or thirty years ago when most of my friends were “courting,” they would often admit with dismay, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, he’s just too nice.” or “I m not attracted to him, he’s too nice.” What does that mean? “Niceness” doesn’t conform to the Romantic standard – being swept of your feet by a slightly bad boy, who always keeps you guessing. My friends’ confusion also reflected their own doubts about being loveable; anybody who is nice to you has to be some kind of jerk.

With the growing self-confidence and self-awareness that we are now relishing, we can begin to appreciate that being loved – for our less-than-perfect selves – is at least as important a condition for true romance (with a lower-case “L”) as is loving someone else for their own (less-than-perfect) self. Now that’s a notion worth celebrating.

—–

We will be talking about Love, Romance, “Niceness” and Second Adulthood on Feisty Side of Fifty Radio. Join our conversation.

Date: 2/5/2011

Time: 2:00 PM (Eastern), 11:00 AM (Pacific)

Click here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/feisty-side-of-fifty

A Birthday Story…

By Sharon Morton, founder Grandparents for Social Action

I was born on my father’s 32nd birthday, on February 18, and every year our shared birthday celebration was better than the last one.

There are so many memories of wonderful surprise parties, singing, birthday presents and lots of laughter, hugging and joy. Because our birthdays together were so joyful, and because my father was such a wonderful person, I was profoundly sad when he died five months before my 60th birthday. As our birth month approached, I found I could not face having a birthday without him. I went so far as to ask friends not to send birthday cards, nor acknowledge my birthday in any way.

When I discovered I had to be in Israel for a conference on February 20th, I decided to leave early. I arrived at the La Rome Hotel in Jerusalem on the 17th of February and quietly checked into the hotel. The clerk, glancing at my passport commented, “Oh, you have a big birthday tomorrow.” “Yes,” I said without enthusiasm. That night, there was an unexpected knock on my door. A woman, about my age was standing there and announced that she was assigned to be my roommate for the conference and she too had arrived early. We sat until late in the evening talking about life, and Israel, and jobs, and loves, but not about birthdays.

The next morning, we decided to talk a walk around our beloved city of Jerusalem. As we opened our door, we found a magnum bottle of champagne sitting there with a note. “Happy special birthday to Sharon from the management.” My new roommate asked me about it, and I explained that I had run away from home this year because I could not face being in Chicago on my birthday without my father. She said very little about it, and she asked no more questions.

Later that afternoon, I went back to the room to take a short nap; my new roommate wanted to stay in town to do some shopping. When she returned to the hotel, she asked me to sit out on the balcony of our room. Then she proceeded to bring out appetizers she had purchased from a favorite restaurant of mine, and champagne glasses as well. Dashing into the room, I brought out the champagne. We ate. We drank. We went out for dinner. It was a beautiful birthday: calm, peaceful, and filled with stories about my father and our birthdays. Since then, I always feel a certain sadness each year as my birthday approaches, but certainly not the despair I felt that first year.

Soon I will celebrate my 70th birthday. Only this week, I began thinking that I wanted to have a really big celebration. I didn’t know why I suddenly wanted to do something big. Then I received a note suggesting that people write about their 60th or 70th birthdays for this website.

It became crystal clear why I want to celebrate. I guess I am ready now to celebrate my life, as well as my father’s. And this is a great year to do it! So you are invited.

Sharon Morton is founder of Grandparents for Social Action and serves as its Executive Director. She is the grandmother of five grandchildren ages 4 to 15. She is an inspirational storyteller and travels throughout the United States to talk with grandparents about social action. To learn more, visit:

Grandparents for Social Action – www.grandparentsforsocialaction.org

Educating and engaging seniors to do social actions; empowering grandchildren to make the world a better place; and creating a legacy from one generation to another.